Blogger Notes

I just got my new computer (can I get a wha-what!?) and I am testing the blog feature.  :0)

Ok, I wasn't planning on blogging today, but since this has struck a nerve YET AGAIN, I figured I'd lash out here (though, EZE has already bore the brunt of this lashing - ILY baby!).

When you're 18 - you're considered an adult. It's the LEGAL age to purchase tobacco, enter an adult video store and even fight in a flipping war. You can work, rent a hotel, rent an apartment, buy a house, open a credit card in your name, take out a loan, open a savings acoount... BUT - You're still not an adult.

At the age of 21 - you're considered an adult. You can drink alcohol. (Whoo-hoo.) Yep, you can legally choose to participate in an activity that puts thousands of people at risk every year.... but, you're still not an adult.

And when you're 24, you are magically responsible enough to take out student loans on your own even if Mommy and Daddy haven't been feeding you for the past 8 years, let alone paying for your education. Hell, if a 20-23 year old is struggling to the point of needing financial aid in the first place, is living on his or her own, has a job and no criminal record, AND is trying to further their education by taking undergraduate classes, why in the HELL can't they secure their own student loans?

At least when you hit 24, you're "LEGALLY" an adult.

Oh, wait. Most places still won't let you rent a car until you're 25.


It's a good thing I don't smoke anymore. :-)

Ok, well I have - sorta. But the truth of the matter is that I still don't know where I'm heading or how I'm getting there. I thought I had it figured out again, just to learn that there are yet another 100 obstacles in the way. Not saying I won't jump each hurdle IF I know that the result is one I really want. I guess I'm not all that positive any more.

(Yeah, EZE, you can quote me on this... I recoil my prior statement of being SURE.)

Grr... back to the drawing board.

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and one for helping others."

-- Audrey Hepburn

As I was writing that last blog about Christmas I remembered something I had written last year about the season. I thought I'd post it here to share with you.

Autumn is my favorite season. But Christmas is my favorite holiday. Though I put a few pumpkins and skeletons up for Halloween, I took them down today to make room for the inevitable... a slew of Christmas decorations. This is my first Christmas living with a child. If I'm lucky, there will even be 2 children present to celebrate the holidays this year. Therefore, I believe it will be an absolute sin to not go all out this year!

This means a tree, decked out with lights, garland and ornaments, strands of twinkling colors gracing every window, snowmen, Santas, reindeer and red and green on every wall, shelf, and corner so that it's impossible to forget the season is upon us no matter which way you turn. This means baking cookies of every variety, roasting a turkey for the first time, wrapping and hiding presents in odd places, breaking out the Christmas tunes and of course, the magical spirit that wraps it all in one neat little package.

I can't wait to get started! Of course, so as not to tire those I love too quickly, I will be courteous enough to wait until AFTER Thanksgiving to begin this. The Christmas shopping list and the shopping itself, however, I am ready to begin ASAP.

God, I love Christmas!

Those of you who know me know that I don't talk politics. In this regard, this post is going to be very short.



In light of the crazy election year, I feel it's necessary to at least acknowledge the fact that I am paying attention since I do plan on voting. And right now all I know is that it comes down to one versus several issues that I feel strongly about. Most of the issues that mean the most to me are supported by one of the canidates.

Only one issue is one I really don't agree with... but I mean REALLY don't agree with. In fact, it's probably the only political issue I will actually argue someone on. My dilemma now lies in deciding whether it's worth letting this one issue outweigh all of my other feelings.

I just did a side by side comparison of the canidates and read each of their stances on all the issues. I'm still undecided. Hopefully, I'll be able to decide before the ballot is in front of me!

1.) Clearly, I've been keeping up with the blog. That's quite an accomplishment for me, even if it's only been a week.

2.) I've been considering and researching MANY different careers that pique my interest.

3.) I've really been focusing on my writing. I'm looking into getting that book of mine published, am planning on pulling a story I wrote in high school out of storage to complete publish it and have been slowly working on an autobiography/journal of my past to help sort out a number of personal issues.

4.) That scrapbook has again become a goal for me - I'll work on it more this week.

5.) I've been smiling more and trying to live more in the here and now. After all, THIS is my life. These moments I'm spending worrying about the future are present moments being wasted and forgotten.

Friendship is a funny thing. See, I don't have many of these - friends, that is. Of those I do have, I only consider a few "real" friends. Out of those few are maybe two whom I consider "close" friends. These would be the ones that know where the dishes and food, extra blankets and toilet paper are in my house. So, where does that leave the rest of them?

There are the ones who call you when they need something - be it advice, a favor or a material object. There are the ones who you call up and hang out with about once a month because that's just what you've been doing since... oh, forever. There are the ones who you call "friend" but really don't see, talk to or even know any more.

And then, there are the ones who you've just met and are starting/trying to figure out if it's worth your time to stick around or not.

This would be where my current problem lies. I made what I thought was a new friend. But usually friendships are not one-sided relationships. They are based on a commonality of some sort. This particular relationship began well enough. I was actually pretty excited since, as I've said, I don't have many friends these days, especially not ones I see pretty much every day. However, I feel like instead of a friend I'm more of a sound board for which this person to bounce her constant relationship issues off of.

Beyond this, I feel her morals are questionable, at best, and some of her actions are inconsistent of what I feel is "right." Now, is it acceptable for me to remain friends with her if she is the one committing these acts even though I don't feel it's right? If I don't, would that be judgmental and superficial of me? If I do, won't that be hypocritical of me?

Lately, I've been finding myself becoming increasingly short with this person. I shy away from answering my phone if it's her and I find reasons to reduce the amount of time I spend with her. Clearly, this isn't fair on my end to her but each time we hang out, it's more of the same. Moreover, I find at times her stories are inconsistent with what she had told me prior and honestly (which is the biggest issue at hand, I would say) is a big thing for me.

I guess it would only be fair to explain to her how I feel and ask if we're going to be friends or if she only needs someone to vent to. In any case, I suppose I'll probably stick around until I phase out of her life for one reason or another...

In the meantime, I'll count my blessings for the friends I do have. <3

I am proud to be able to state that I have been smoke-free for 65 days. Go me! This is great news for several reasons:

A) My health – I’ve been told (repeatedly and for several years) that smoking is bad for one’s health. Now, I have a bit more energy, can breath a bit easier, don’t get as winded during physical activity as usual and am thinking my immune system might be a bit stronger. Since I’m a coffee drinker, I haven’t seen much improvement in the color of my teeth yet, but I’m still working on that.

B) My wallet – Cigarettes in Cook County are bordering $8 a pack. Calculating a pack a day, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year… that’s roughly $2700 a year spent on smoking. Wow.

C) My appearance – I no longer carry the lingering odor of smoke wherever I go. When I wear clean clothes now, I can actually smell the laundry detergent’s scent. I can hang out with children or friends or family and not have to worry about stopping what I’m doing because I need a cigarette break.

On the other hand, stopping that nasty habit has brought on a few different issues:

A) My health – I’ve turned to food to satisfy the oral fixation. Not fruits and vegetables, of course, but Big Macs, candy, cookies and Cokes. Junk food is really not good for the heart, arteries, or cholesterol. I feel tired and sluggish and can’t work up the energy to play with the kids like I use to.

B) My wallet – I still spend about $8 a day, only now it’s at fast food restaurants instead of gas stations.

C) My appearance – Really, after 60+ days of pure junk food, it’s not that surprising a first grader asked me why my belly was growing!

This past week I’ve noticed a bit of a change. Last Saturday, for the first time since I quit smoking, I was not hungry at lunch time. So I skipped the meal. I haven’t been to a fast food place since last week. I’ve been cutting back the sugar drastically. I’ve been replacing food with activity… instead of eating lunch when I wasn’t hungry, I focused on redecorating my apartment. When I find myself craving chocolate or ice cream, I sit down and journal, blog or write. Sure, last night I indulged in a bag of Doritos with sour cream, but I restrained from eating dessert, too!

(OK, when I was rolling this blog around in my head, there was a point to all of this… which has now escaped me. I guess that’s why I started this in the first place, right? To get all those ideas out of my mind so I can move on with my day? Well, should I ever remember the rest of this, I’ll be sure to update it.)

While I may be having some serious issues determining my future career (tonight I spent the better part of an hour researching Home Staging because of a show we were watching on HGTV), I genuinely love my current day job(s). Really though, who wouldn’t? A few of my comrades had suggested working with children practically nonstop would trigger more stress than it would merit. I’m finding it’s quite the contrary – the more time I spend outside of my little “kid bubble,” the more I want to rip my hair out. Traffic, bills, traffic, decisions, traffic, responsibilities, traffic, priorities, traffic, deadlines… have I mentioned Chicago’s rush hour traffic?

Once I got settled with the boys this morning, my commute consisted of a high powered 30 minute walk to a board meeting – puzzle time at the local library. Afterwards, came a leisurely Autumn stroll back to the office (the playroom in the basement), where we played everything from Name That Animal Noise to Peek A Boo to Fly Me Like A Human Airplane. Naturally, we had to break for lunch which is promptly followed by a 2 hour nap. After naps, of course, come juice and a quick snack and then B and I are off to the next part of my day – the BIG KIDS!

At the after-school program today I was in charge of floor activities. This means that for the hour we spent outside soaking up the last of the day’s (and possibly the season’s) sunshine, I lead a series of relay races. When we went back inside, I supervised a game the kids and I made up yesterday afternoon that lasted well until the last half hour or so of the day. We ended our busy afternoon with a rousing game of Dodge Ball.

Sounds like a piece of cake, right? It’s almost as though I’m really not working at all…

Well, I also cared for a toddler who preferred screaming for 45 minutes straight to taking his nap. I dealt with a third grader with an attitude problem who insisted on hitting her classmates. I repeated the phrase ‘please keep your hands to yourself’ about 100 times. I was forced to hold my breath for the better part of 2 hours because a second grader is having hygiene issues. I kissed, cuddled, bandaged and iced several bumps, scrapes, bruises and emotional boo-boos. I cleaned mashed up chicken and broccoli out of a baby’s hair, off of clothes, out of my hair and out from under a booster seat. I’ve been bitten on the arm, kicked in the leg and almost hit in the head with a ball. I read Where The Wild Things Are for the 10^th time this week – and it’s only Tuesday. I bent, tugged, lifted, pulled, carried, cleaned, wiped, maneuvered and stretched my way through the day.

And you know what? I still genuinely love my job(s). :)

This has to have been my greatest idea thus far. It sprung from an inside joke between EZE and I that began when we first began dating. Between his encouragement and B’s natural baby cuteness (which I, as a creative writer, interpreted as inspiration), this inside joke became a children’s storyline. Based on my story, EZE – a talented graphic artist – began some sketches. Fast forward to present day and we have one fully illustrated, semi-educational children’s story, a corresponding activity/coloring book, business cards, a website… and absolutely no idea how to go about promoting and selling the book.

All of the research I have done states that a children’s book writer may submit a manuscript to certain publishing companies if said companies accept unsolicited work. Great! I’ve also found that most publishers do not want illustrated work and prefer to match your writing with a illustrator that follows the publisher’s style. Not so great. EZE and I are a team… we developed this project together. His pictures were drawn for my story and parts of my story were inspired by him and his drawings. Without one, the other would be nonexistent.

I’ve also read recommendations about self-publishing. I’ve found a company that does print-on-demand copies of the book online. In fact, this is how we’ve sold the few copies that we have (to friends and family members). We’ve printed flyers and posted a few around town in hopes of selling to the public. We’ve developed bookmarks that match the book’s theme and have been distributing them wherever we can. I’ve thought of purchasing several copies of the book and trying to sell them at Arts and Crafts festivals, the local Flea Market and other places. The problem is that this requires money to order the books up front, to cover the cost of ISBN numbers and copyright fees and money to rent a booth or space at the festival – money I just don’t have.

The final solution I’ve researched is hiring an agent to sell and promote the book for me. I don’t know where to begin with the issues on this one! How do I know whom I can trust? Isn’t that going to cost me a lot of money? Copyrights and ISBNs alone are several hundred dollars! Won’t the publishers still want to break EZE and I apart, as far as the book is concerned? What happens to the book if no one wants to publish it? Will I have to give up my rights to the agent, even if the book is not published? How do contracts and royalties work? I intend to make this a series – is that my call still if someone else publishes it? What about the website? I have TONS of ideas for the website! So far there are games, a section for parents, coloring pages, ideas, contests kids can enter for real prizes… can I still do all that if my book is published?

I guess I’ve been hoping that someone would see my book and contact me about publishing it but I know this is far-fetched, especially with such limited promotion. Personally, I think I would do the self-publishing if I could generate enough money. I know it would be a lot more work on my part, but I’m not afraid of work. I could ensure that EZE is the illustrator and I could move forward with all the ideas I have for the future of this story. I’m open to suggestions on this one!

I’m not going to use real names here (or am I?) – So, in order for you to know who I’m talking about and what they mean to me, I’m providing a glossary of sorts that you can always refer back to. Lame as that may be - you'll thank me later!

Missy Krissy – that’s me! 5^th (or 6^th?) year college student. In steady relationship with great guy. Unsure of desired career path. Loving friend, big sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, godmother, nanny, after-school counselor, cousin, aunt and girlfriend. I love music, dance, reading, outdoors, gardens, coffee, traditions, cooking, creating, mothering, hugs, shoes, purses, decorating, pools, playing sports for fun, popping bubble wrap, people watching, writing, being pampered, watching movies, Fall and Summer.

EZE – the Yin to my Yang. Boyfriend of 13 months and counting. Graphic Artist.

B – my cute-as-a-button 1 year old nephew.

TT – oldest of my 4 younger siblings, mother of B. Current roommate. Wants to be a pharmacist.

*I'll add to this as I blog about other members of my exclusive circle. :)

I will be the first to admit that I am an indecisive and hesitant person. These traits are precisely what brought me to the world of blogging. Well, that and my tendency to jump from concept to concept without fully completing what I began in the first place… you know, I have a scrapbook from a vacation last May that has yet to be pieced together. I took over 300 photographs on that trip, bought the scrapbook about a month before the trip began and then purchased all of the materials I would need to create a keepsake that would hold those precious memories for me to show my grandchildren when the time comes. The week I returned home from the trip, I spread out all my supplies on the dining room floor and began layouts of the pages. Today, over 6 months later, all of the materials, pictures and supplies are shoved into a backpack that is lying on the floor of our home office. This is the story of my life.

I’m the kind of person who has ideas and dreams. Some are great. Some are tiny and seemingly insignificant. Some are crazy. Some just might work. I can usually formulate a plan to move these thoughts into actions. Most of the time, I even begin to follow through with these plans. Practically every time, I stop partially through the project and never see the end result. I don’t quit or give up – I just… stop. And I’m on to the next project. This is beginning to become an issue for me, as I can’t decide what I want to do with my life. I know I want to be a mother and a wife. I want to bake cupcakes for the school bake sale and drive the soccer team to games. I want to decorate our home, keep it clean and cook dinner at night. But I’m told I need to do something besides this. I’ve heard that I have to potential to do great, wonderful and big things. I have yet to learn what these things are.

Hence, I am starting this blog. Here you will find many of my ideas, projects I have started, would like to begin, or am in the process of working on as well as general rants, raves and opinions. I welcome you to tag along while I attempt to tie up loose ends of old undertakings and unlock this potential I know I have – somewhere. My hope is that this project will enhance my soul searching and help me discover my true calling in life. My fear is that it will become just another endeavor I’ll never complete.