Blogger Notes

My heart has been shattered into millions of pieces. I’d rather sit here and grieve the love that I’ve lost than go out there and face this big world. But I’m forced to go out there, act brave and contribute. All the while, my mind’s someplace else.

Thinking & wondering, hoping & second guessing – Is it worth it? Should I risk it? Can I bear to not try?

I am scared and I’m nervous. I feel exhausted and weak. I want to – no, I don’t. I’ll never be ready. But how can I let this slip by? This once in a lifetime, could be happy after all – this sweet, yet unnerving, love of mine.

How can I know? Can I be sure things will change? How can I try when I feel so much pain? How do I forgive? Will I be forgiven? Is there a way to approach carefully? Does to give it a chance mean I’m really just giving in? Is giving up worth not giving at all? Is it really, truly possible this still could work yet? Or did you already forget?

I won’t know the answers. I cannot be sure. But I can be patient, understanding and kind. I can choose to bare my soul, give my heart, share my mind. I can listen to my heart just a little bit more. I can take a leap of faith. I can work with the other toward a promising change.

I can hope.

I can try.

I can wait.

I can work.

I can pray.

I can love.

I can reach out.

I can offer.

I can believe.

I can’t promise forever or even tomorrow.

I can’t promise to be perfect or assure you no pain.

But I can promise an effort to try, try again.