Blogger Notes

This weather is miserable. It's been cloudy, damp, windy, rainy and wet for at least a week now. I am definitely one of those people who's mood fluctuates with the weather and this is a big reason why I cannot WAIT to get to Cali and soak up the sunshine!

Speaking of sunshine, my sweetie has called me several times over the past couple of days. :) I've been trying to refrain from calling him as much as I'd like to because I really want him to enjoy just being home and his time with his buddies. I know that in one week I will have all of his attention so I'm trying to be considerate of the time he has with the guys. Nonetheless, he has called me a bunch of times and each call has brought a smile to my face and an even bigger smile to my heart. I truly cannot wait until I get to wrap him in a big hug and just get to spend some time with him! It's tough, but I'm trying to force myself to focus on other things until I can be with him....

Like finals! Ugh, this is my last week of classes. As happy as I am that the end is here, it's really not going quickly enough! Monday is a review day (and one essay final is due) and Wednesday I have 3 finals one right after the other. The good news: as soon as those finals are done, I have a half day of work, a quick trip to the salon with the sis to get our nails done, dinner and then I am on that plane out west!!! The bad news: I have 1 essay, 3 exams worth of studying, 1 suitcase to pack and 7 days of work and waiting until then!

Well, in an effort to nudge the rest of this day along, I am off to sip my cup of hot tea and work on that essay. If I'm lucky, I can have it turned in by the end of the day. One day at a time... Yes, that is the goal of the day: to complete this essay! I can worry about tomorrow when it comes. :)

...being a military girlfriend, not blogging. :)

So here's my story. I met my man way back in grade school - he was in 8th grade, I was in 7th. We were pretty much each other's firsts on a lot of things: first date, first dance, first love... you get the picture. We dated on and off throughout high school, during which we had more than our fair share of ups and downs including a final break up due to his infidelity. We were both young, had different interests (read: I was a goody goody and he was into partying and probably on a road leading in a very bad direction). After graduation, we went our separate ways for the most part, but had mutual friends so we ran into each other here and there and heard about what was going on in the other's life every now and again. The last thing I heard was that he joined the military and was in Iraq on deployment.

Fast forward to this past January. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of about 18 months on Christmas. My twin sister/best friend and I were having a girls' night, drinking some and reminiscing about the past; particularly, high school. That night, my man was mentioned several times as we had shared more than a few good laughs and memories with him. After she left, he lingered on my mind for the next couple of days so I decided to look him up on MySpace and send him a quick message just saying hello and that I was thinking of him while he was on deployment, etc.

I was not prepared for his response. In a 4-5 page email, he caught me up on what was new in his life: that he had joined the Corps, was on his second deployment, what was new with his friends, family... then he continued on to apologize for things that had happened in the past. We start talking via Skype (gotta love modern technology!) and before long he confessed that he never really got over me. I began to realize that there was still a spark on my end as well. I'm not going to lie and say I thought about him all the time over the past 5-6 years, but the more we spoke, the more I realized how much I liked this guy.

A month ago we officially became a couple. We've also decided that I'm going to move cross-country while he finishes his time in the Corps (he'll be done in January 2010) and see where things lead. Yes, I know we're moving very fast. Yes, I have been cautioned to guard my heart and be careful by numerous friends and family. At the same time, I truly feel like this is going to be a good step for me. I'm excited about moving to warm weather and to start having some fun. I'm excited to give this relationship one more try now that we are both a bit older and a little more mature. I'm excited about having fun, becoming a little more laid back and enjoying life for what it is because, let's face it - in the end, life is short and you only get to do this once. So we might as well take chances and give it our all, is how I feel.

Now, my Marine is safely at home (he just landed yesterday!) and I am about 2000 miles away because I have to finish finals before I get to go see him. [8 more days until I'm on a plane his way!!!] I grow a little more anxious each day because I haven't seen him in so many years and while our chemistry clicks through the internet and over the phone, there is still the chance that it won't be that way in person; I'm getting ready to move my life across the country and start this new chapter (the first in my "romance novel"), leaving behind friends, family and everything I am familiar with; I'm weary about opening my heart again and I'm nervous about really getting into my career. Add to all of that becoming acquainted with being a military girlfriend (sometimes, I swear what he is saying is an entirely different language) and I've got a full plate on my hands!

But you know what?? I'm totally looking forward to every crazy minute of it. <3

I've been watching Friends since about 1:00 pm this afternoon. I've found that this show has the ability to make me smile, giggle, forget about my problems and just generally makes me feel better pretty much no matter what's bothering me. So, what happened that I needed to pop in Season 5 yet again, and on Easter, no less? Hmm... well, I guess what it comes down to is me letting go.

So much is happening right now... so many changes are taking place that are really exciting but at the same time, I guess they are a little bit scary. This dull, nagging fear has caused me to start acting out. I've been in a mood all week and apparently it's been showing.

Alright, I'm not making any sense. Let's see if I can break it down a little...

1) I'm moving to California in June to move in with my boyfriend. This alone is a source of a couple of fears. It means that I am A) leaving behind my friends and family; B) moving to a place I'm completely unfamiliar with; C) taking a risk in a relationship - letting someone in after having my heart broken and not thinking I'd be able to move on (twice); D) living for myself for the first time in my life - not worrying about how everyone is going to be taken care of, doing something that is exciting and appealing to me, etc.

2) This means that my sister and my nephew are going to be moving in with my aunt and uncle. My sister, who I have spent my whole life watching out for, and her little boy, to whom I have grown so attached, people who first meet me think he's my kid. It's taking a step back and letting go, hoping that my sister will be strong enough to stand on her own and make the decisions she needs to make as an adult (and in the best interest of her baby) without my guiding hand. I realize that she is her own person, capable of making these decisions and the mother of the boy I love so much. But it's hard to accept that I won't be around -- even if it is my own decision and for my own good. I guess I'm also a little jealous that pretty much my entire family is going to be here, living under one roof, while I'm hundreds of miles away. Again, I realize it's my own choosing. And it's something I really want to do. In fact, I think I would always wonder "what if" if I don't go. I also know that I will always be able to come back and they will have a home for me. But that doesn't make letting go any easier.

3) Part of the reason for this big change is to set me on the path I want to be on in life - on my way to becoming a Naval Psychologist. This is something I really want to do. I feel it's my calling, if you will. But it scares the shit out of me at the same time. I worry about boot camp - being away from my friends and family for a couple of months. I worry about being able to hack the physical aspect, being able to handle the lifestyle change. I worry about making a commitment I won't be able to keep. I worry about becoming a psychologist in general - running the risk of messing someone's life up worse instead of making it better, as intended. At the same time, I feel it's something else I have to do -- another thing that I'll ask myself "what if" if I don't do it... if I don't at least try.

Add to these big changes all the other things that need to get done: working, keeping up with homework/papers/quizzes/final exams, going through all of my belongings and deciding what I need to take with me right now, what I can get rid of, what to put in storage until I decide if California is going to work out, bills, securing a storage unit, coming up with money to move, getting a job when I get out there, keeping up with school this next semester, being in a relationship, keeping in contact with my friends and family...

For as much as there is to do, I can't seem to bring myself to work on any of it. I have a paper due and an exam tomorrow. I have work in the morning. I got in a fight with my sister and we haven't resolved it. And all I've done today is sleep, eat and watch Friends. Is it lack of motivation? Is my fear holding me back - preventing me from dealing with these things? I've been aggravated because I've sat home doing nothing since Friday, but I can't muster up the energy to actually do anything. I thought about going for a run. I considered going shopping. I know I should clean the apartment or work on homework. There are probably dozens of things I should or could be doing.

Instead, typing this blog will be the most productive thing I've done today. Well, at least I've got this show to keep me laughing.

This is a list of 100 things I have never done but really want to, so I am setting them out as life-long goals. As I achieve each one, I will cross them off the list. Please feel free to make suggestions for my list [particularly the travel] or to share your list with me! I had so much fun thinking this up and can’t wait to start crossing things off. Of course, once I complete everything, I will make another list and start all over again!


1. Visit all 50 states at least once:

Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

2. Visit the following U.S. sites/cities/events, take photographs and turn the collection into a scrapbook:

Beverly Hills/Rodeo Drive
Statue of Liberty
Central Park
Empire State Building
Grand Canyon
Hollywood
Mount Rushmore
White House
Lincoln Memorial
Salem, Massachusetts
Niagara Falls (New York)
Golden Gate Bridge
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Las Vegas, Nevada
Atlantic City
Ground Zero
Mardi Gras in New Orleans, Louisiana
Times Square
San Diego Zoo
Kentucky Derby

3. Visit the following international sites/cities/countries/events, take photographs and turn the collection into a scrapbook:

Italy
Greece
Spain
Ireland
Germany
Amsterdam
Australia
Mexico
Jamaica
Canada
Bahamas
Virgin Islands
England
Puerto Rico
Great Wall of China
Egyptian pyramids
Carnival in Brazil
African safari
Mona Lisa
Buckingham palace
Great Barrier Reef
Fiji

4. Meet and marry the love of my life.
5. Have a happy home and a house full of kids.
6. Climb a mountain.
7. Buy a house.
8. Learn to drive a stick shift.
9. Become a Naval Psychologist.
10. Learn to ride a motorcycle.
11. Save at least $20 a week, every week for a year and then spend the money on a trip.
12. Run a marathon.
13. Take a self defense class.
14. Take ballet.
15. Make a photo album each December with pictures from the previous year.
16. Parasail.
17. Make baby books for each of my kids (and fill them out completely).
18. Grow my hair until it’s long.
19. Be a maid-of-honor.
20. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
21. Learn how to stop living in the shadow of my past so that I can cherish the present and enjoy what the future holds.
22. Learn to speak Spanish fluently.
23. Write a novel and/or publish my children’s book.
24. Dance on stage.
25. Meet Joey Fatone and Britney Spears.
26. Go to a Bed and Breakfast.
27. Get a tattoo.
28. Become a mentor in the Big Brother/Big Sister program.
29. Build a Habitat for Humanity house.
30. Keep journals to pass on to my kids.
31. Bury a time capsule with my closest girl friends. Dig it up in 10-20 years and go through it together.
32. Learn how to sew/mend clothes.
33. Ask for forgiveness.
34. Spend a week traveling “wherever the wind takes me” with no destination in mind.
35. Rollerblade down a boardwalk in the middle of summer.
36. Pay off my credit cards.
37. Plant a garden.
38. Meditate at least twice a month.
39. Write my nephew a new story every birthday.
40. Get to know my neighbors.
41. Learn how to build a fire (that lasts).
42. Dance barefoot on the beach underneath the stars.
43. Chase a storm.
44. Go paintballing.
45. Go away once a year with one or two of my friends.
46. Have a BBQ/Bonfire every year “just because.”
47. Make love on the beach.
48. Spend an entire summer somewhere like Nantucket Island.
49. Be as happy and in love with my husband 50 years later as I am when I marry him.
50. Work out weekly.
51. Remember to tell my loved ones that I love them daily.
52. Eat dinner as a family more often than not.
53. Spend quality time with my children/as a family.
54. Take a family vacation every year – even if it’s only camping at a local state park.
55. Plan and save for retirement.
56. Swim with dolphins.
57. Learn how to handle and shoot a gun.
58. Learn how to shoot a bow and arrow.
59. Visit a vineyard.
60. Bake cupcake brownies.
61. Go water tubing.
62. Try surfing.
63. Dance, watch fireworks and/or look at the stars on a rooftop.
64. Write a letter to everyone who has touched my life letting them know what they mean to me.
65. Take a ride in a hot air balloon.
66. Go canoeing.
67. Take a cruise.
68. Audition for a music video as a backup dancer.
69. Be an audience member for “Ellen.”
70. Learn to ballroom dance.
71. Audition for a game show.
72. Sit on a jury.
73. Teach English in a foreign country.
74. Attend the Olympics.
75. Sleep outside for a week.
76. Spend an entire day in bed.
77. Kiss someone in the rain.
78. Meet my grandchildren.
79. Get over my fear of creepy crawlies.
80. Buy a meal for a stranger.
81. Read all of Jane Austen’s novels.

Novels

• Sense and Sensibility (1811)
• Pride and Prejudice (1813)
• Mansfield Park (1814)
• Emma (1815)
• Northanger Abbey (1817)
• Persuasion (1817)

Unfinished fiction

• Lady Susan (1794, 1805)
• The Watsons (1804)
• Sanditon (1817)

82. Turn off my cell phone and computer for an entire week (i.e. 7 days!)
83. Spend an entire paycheck on shopping for myself and not feel guilty.
84. Carve my name on a tree.
85. Skinny dip.
86. Go horseback riding on the beach.
87. Spend a day building a giant sandcastle.
88. Watch the sun set, stay up all night, and watch it rise again.
89. Become CPR/First Aid certified.
90. Smile at 100 strangers and count how many smiles I get back. For each smile, donate $1 to a local charity.
91. Finish college – both undergrad and graduate school.
92. Rent a limo for a day for a girls’ day/night (when there is no special occasion other than spending time with the girls).
93. Take a vow of silence for 24 hours and observe those around me.
94. Write and send a message in a bottle.
95. Make my own Christmas cards and send them to everyone.
96. Build a tree house with my kids. Have tea parties and sleepovers there.
97. Become a foster parent.
98. Re-pierce my nose (again).
99. Host an exchange student.
100. Climb a tree.
101. Be a contestant on a game show.